


The Skeleton Games Dungeon Crawler

by poetax



Series: The Skeleton Games [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, F/M, Hate to Love, Humor, No Ecto-Penis (Undertale), No Smut, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Short Sans, Small Sans, Tall Reader, Underground, Why am I starting another story, sans swears, sans wants to kill you, smol sans - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-03-02 17:09:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetax/pseuds/poetax
Summary: Welp... you fell down. Into a cave. With monsters. Mean monsters. The all want to kill you, but the problem is... they can't. Being a vampire does have it's perks, but it can also be a problem when you need to bite someone with blood and everyone around you is made of magic. Hopefully you'll get out in time, or those monsters will finally get that final soul. Not to mention, the monster you currently have captured and strapped to your back has been threatening to murder you from the get go and hasn't proved helpful at all... Well... maybe he can be helpful... actually... hes kinda cute... in his own wayAnd his neck is looking tastier by the day...





	1. My first pokemon

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Skeleton Games](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700787) by [poetax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetax/pseuds/poetax). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You capture your starter pokemon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a problem, and that problem is... starting more stories...

You yawn as the snow crunches underfoot. Crunch after crunch as you tromp through the thick powdery white. It’s the only sound you’ve heard for some time. You yawn because you’re bored, not tired. Bored as you watch the exact same scenery go by over and over. Trees thick with snow cover either side of a long straight path. When you passed through the enormous ruins door earlier, you thought you would be instantly attacked by thousands of deadly monsters. At least… that’s how the lady made it seem like it’d be. You prepared yourself mentally for it before stepping through to the other side.

 

No… instead you were met with snow and trees, and lots of it. How is there even snow and trees under a mountain? Where did it all come from?

 

You look up at the overarching cave ceiling for probably the hundredth time trying to figure it out. It just sort of seemed to fall… from nothing...

 

You sigh… magic...

 

Well… you have to admit… being out in a sort of weird pseudo daylight is kinda nice. It’s been ages since you were able to walk around outside while it’s light out without either burning to death, or feeling sick…

 

Once again you look at the ceiling… Okay… it’s not really daylight either… How has this place been sitting right under everyone's noses for years? It’s amazing!

 

Your breath puffs from your mouth as you follow the only cleared path between the trees. You haven’t seen any sort of footprints or indents either, meaning there probably isn’t anyone around. Then again… the snow is falling pretty heavily. Maybe they’ve been covered.

 

You shift the bag at your side as you walk around a particularly large fallen tree branch blocking the path. The lady behind the door had given you a few supplies to store in it, including a cellphone, some extra pie, and a climbing rope. You shove your hands into your pockets absentmindedly as you stare ahead looking for something interesting. At least you're relatively resistant to the cold. You weren’t wearing the warmest clothes when you fell down here, and the lady behind the door kept apologizing that all the extra clothes she had were either too big or too small for your journey.

 

“CRACK!”

 

The sound of a branch snapping pierces the air and echoes around the cavern walls. You quickly look behind yourself trying to find the culprit. Through the falling flakes of snow, you catch a glance at the large tree branch you skirted around moments before. It’s broken in two. When did that… what?

 

You squint your eyes trying to make out any information around the sheets of never ending white… Nothing… you haven’t even seen any animals around.

 

You backtrack through the heavy snow and look at the split branch. Wait…? Are those… little footprints? But they don’t lead away or to anywhere. They’re just sort of… there.

 

“Hello!” You call, lifting your eyes to look at the surrounding frozen trees. The only answer back, your own muffled echo.

 

You sigh, annoyed… You thought these monsters were out to kill you, not play stupid pranks…

 

You turn around and start your trek through the piles of white again. Dipping your face away from the falling snow as you make your way down the cleared path, hoping to find somebody or something...

 

* * *

 

 

Sans watches you straighten up from the branch he snapped earlier with glee, but he can’t catch your expression from his distant hiding spot.

 

“Heh heh heh…” He snickers under his breath. Fuckin’ weird ass human’s probably scared ta death now. At least… he’s pretty sure its a human… maybe… Looks mostly like the other one with skin’n hair’n shit. But why the fuck is this one so much bigger? Is it cause it’s an adult?

 

He doesn’t know why some giant ass human came outta the door this time, but jus’ because it did doesn’t mean nothing’s changed... Sides’... this one looks fuckin’ weak as shit. Probably won’t last a day outside the ruins. If they’re gonna die, then he better make sure they get a nice 'Sans the Skeleton' welcome for their last day.

 

He watches them continue to trudge through the snow slowly biding his time as they get closer to his preferred spot of trees. Right about… now!

He teleports behind them walking a few steps in line with their own and snickering softly before he catches their neck start to move. In an instant he’s back at his hiding place watching their reaction.

 

“Hello!.... I heard that!” They call.

 

“Heh heh heh…” He snickers some more… Fuckin’ dumbass…

 

They look back and forth trying to locate what they thought they heard, but he knows they’ll never find him. Magicless idiots jus’ don’t understand this shit.

 

They stare at his footprints for a while more, before turning and walking away faster.

 

Sans grin slides wider as he watches them walk away. They’re probably scared as shit right now! Heh heh… The stupid kid had long gotten use ta this, but this weird ass fresh one’s got no idea. Hell yes! he’s gonna have some fun with this one before they’re dead.

 

Sans teleports tree to another tree as he watches them walk down the narrow path. They eventually approach the first trap laid out by his brother. The gate.

 

The gate is a large wooden barred structure constructed before a pit with a small bridge spanning it’s length. Originally the bridge was the only way to cross the dark pit that ran through the cave, and continue on the path to Snowdin. But, after San’s brother had joined the royal guard he had “Improved” it by adding a gate. It was covered in spikes and contained a lock on one side. This was one of the main reasons you didn’t see any monsters before it. Most of them couldn’t get past the gate. It’s bars were only small enough for a small child to walk through. A small child, and maybe, a small monster as well…

 

Sans watches the human look at the gate for a moment before letting his grin slide wider. S’time ta introduce himself’n let the human have a little tast’a what real fear is...

 

* * *

 

 

You stop at the large gate, looking it up and down. Well… someone went overboard with their spikes. Maybe if you were a little smaller you could fit through some of the prickly bars, but you aren’t. Instead you grab the lock and wipe off the snow, attempting to see if you could break it or not.

 

At that moment, you feel a pressure behind yourself. Before you even have a chance to turn around, you feel something hard and rigid run up your thigh and… Is someone grabbing your butt!

 

“Heya there sweetheart…” A low voice practically drips from behind. “Don’t’cha know how ta great a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand!”

 

Immediately ready to fight, you turn around and look into two glowing red pinpricks of light.

 

Well… look into may not be the most accurate description. Your eyes have to travel down quite a bit before they finally find what they’re looking for. What stands before you is definitely not human. It’s a short monster with gleaming red eyelights inside two dark expansive sockets.

 

A skeleton…?

 

Or at least it looks like a skeleton. A human one…? But something about it’s shape isn’t quite right. It’s grin seems to stretch as it watches you take it in. Its… he maybe…? is dressed in baggy clothes. A long red turtleneck with a black fur lined overcoat and yellow striped basketball shorts. He holds his clawed finger bones out in front of you as he continues to offer his outstretched hand.

 

You’re so surprised at what you’re seeing you take it without a second thought, still staring into those deep crimson red lights.

 

A shock runs up your arm and you immediately pull away.

 

“Heh heh heh...!” The living skeleton seems to snicker in glee at your response, though he never opens that long vicious interlocking grin. You notice one of his teeth has been replaced with gold, and it glimmers in the light as he laughs.

 

He holds his hand up you so you can see the small buzzer attached to it. “The ole buzzer inna hand trick…” He says once he’s done laughing. “It’s ALWAYS funny!” He snickers more as he watches you, still somehow talking through his teeth.

 

“So wait… skeletons are monsters?” You ask in surprise. You’d assumed by now most monsters were some kind of weird creature or animal, not living undead.

 

His smile drops for a moment at your response, but he quickly regains it as he stretches his arms back behind his head.

 

“Dunno… probably…” He lazily runs his eyelights up at you once more, taking you in. “Anyways… Yer a human right?”

 

“Uh… yeah…”

 

“Heh heh… fuckin’ hilarious…” He snickers.

 

“Uh… what…?” You say in confusion.

 

“Heh… nothin’ nothin’...” He shrugs away your question. “Names Sans… Sans the skeleton…” He keeps looking at you, wide smirk plastered across his face. For some reason you feel like something’s off about that smile of his. “M’actually supposed ta be on watch fer humans right now… but… y’know... I don’t really care about capturing anybody…”

 

You remember his earlier infraction against your body and you let yourself sink into a relaxed pose as well. “I can tell… You seem a lot more interested in capturing something else.”

 

His grin flinches for a moment before he slides it back into place. “S’jus check’n out the good’s there sweetheart… Don’t tell me ya was hopin’ fer more?”

 

This skeleton’s on very thin ice… and you aren’t talking about what he’s currently standing on.

 

You slide a smile across your own face looking at his short stature as you respond. “I don’t know… I think you’re a little lacking when it comes to providing more don’t’cha think, little Skulls?”

 

The grin on his face disappears as your comment sinks in. He dips his hands into his pockets as he glares back.

 

“Ya know… I was gonna play all nice wit’cha ‘n unlock the gate so yer giant ass could pass through, but it looks like ya ain’t interested.”

 

“Oh… is that why you were feeling it up…” You respond sarcastically. “You wanted to see if my giant ass could pass through?”

 

The air around you begins to feel pressured as his eyelights burn hotter.

 

“Ya know, lady…” And he takes a step forward, blocking your only escape rout against the gate. “I don’t think yer showin’ me the proper respect! Yer in monster territory now, n’ if ya don’t want me ta fill ya with holes right here, then ya better shut yer trap n’ not talk back!”

 

You shrug back, unphased. “Oh… that’s a **tall** order coming from someone like you.”

 

His glare falters for a moment and you watch has he struggles to keep his face straight. Wait… is he… laughing at that pun?

 

“Heh… that one wasn’t half bad. Too bad fer you I ain’t interested in ya anymore.” He lifts his arm from his pocket, phalanges starting to glow as he raises his hand to the air.  “S’been an interestin’ run this time. But I think I’m gonna cut it **short**.” He says, smirking.

 

You feel the familiar tug on your chest as the confrontation starts, but strangely your soul stays put this time, and nothing happens.

 

“The hell..?” He says as he looks at you. He moves his hand back down in an attempt to raise it again. “Why the hell ain’t it-”

 

You reach out and grab him by the arm as he hoists it in the air a second time. The glowing red magic on it dissipates and his eyelights immediately dilate.

 

Sh-Shit! F-Fuckin’ let go!” He yells, trying to pull his wrist from your grasp.

 

“You know…” You say, cocking your head as you loom over him. “I’ve been pretty nice to the monsters down here for the most part…” With a simple tug you easily pull his weight upwards and his feet leave the floor. “But I’ve got my limits.”

 

“Sh-shit!” He emits a high pitched squeak, before you push the small skeleton face first into the snow. Maneuvering his arm behind his back, you sit your weight across him.

 

“I-Ill fuckin’ kill you!” He snarls, thrashing around in the snow beneath you. “Yer fuckin’ dead! Ya hear that human! I was gonna help yer ass, but now yer fuckin’ dead!

 

“You already helped yourself to my ass, so I don’t think I’m missing out on much.” You say, leaning more of your weight into his back.

 

“Ya won’t last a fuckin’ day down here! We’re all gonna tear ya ta pieces n’ rip out yer soul!”

 

“If it’s anything to go by what I’ve faced so far… I think I’ll be fine.”

 

“Heh heh heh…” His snickers seem to echo early around the cavern. “Oh human… yer in fer such a bad time.” His voice gets deeper and deeper as he speaks. “Ya can kill me all ya want, but when my bro finally get’s ta ya, you’ll be beggin’ my dust ya asked me fer help.”

 

“Who said anything about killing you…?”

 

He stops struggling for a moment as he thinks.

 

“Heh… I knew ya humans were dumbasses, but do ya actually think I ain't gonna kill ya as soon as ya let me go?”

 

“Who said I was gonna let you go…?”

 

He pauses again and you watch as sweat begins to form across his skull.

 

“E-Even if ya tie me ta a tree or something… Soon as I’m free yer dead!”

 

“Who said I was gonna tie you to a tree?”

 

“T-Torture me all ya want… but I ain’t gonna-”

 

“Who said I was gonna-”

  
  
“THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YA GONNA DO!” He huffs below you in annoyance.

 

“Well first…” You say, reaching clumsily into your bag with one arm. “I’m gonna tie you up.”

 

“I already told ya I’m gonna-”

 

“THEN… I’m gonna tie you to my back.” You say, smirking as you take out the rope.

 

“The fuck?”

 

“You said you aren’t interested in capturing humans, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in capturing monsters. Besides… I think you know the way out of this place right? I’m gonna need a guide...”

 

_Time till your next feed- 17 days remain..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be interesting because it's pre pacifist Uf Sans, and he's even meaner and his outer shell is even harder. Not to mention things started off on the wrong hand if you know what I mean.


	2. Reader used Bind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skeleton Capture complete!

“Like hell I’m gonna guide ya! Didn’t’cha hear me earlier? Go fuckin’ die on yer own, asshole!” The small skeleton snarls beneath you.

 

“Aw… come’on little skulls,” you say as you thread a rope between his radius and ulna, “what happened to that nice ‘sweatheart’ name you were calling me earlier?”

 

“I said I was tryin’ ta be nice ta ya, but turns out ya aint nothin’ but a giant asshole, so I’ll call ya how ya are from now on, asshole!”

 

“Excuse me… You were the one trying to kill me, right after grabbing my butt.”

 

“S’cause ya weren’t showin’ me any respect!”

 

“What! You want me to respect someone after they touch me like that!” You knot the rope tight through his bones, pulling on it a little to see if it’ll hold. “One moment… try and see if you can escape that.”

 

“The fuck? Ya think i’m gonna help ya time me up?!”

 

“Yes please.”

 

“The fuck is wrong wit’cha, asshole!”

 

“The sooner I tie you up, the sooner we can start on our fun adventure together and become great loving friends!” You say, scooting around on his back to reach for his legs.

 

“The hell would I ever wanna be friends with a dumbass stupid shit human for?!”

 

“Humans make great friends!... I would know… I am one!”

 

You hear him sighing into the snow. Muttering something about “Giant ass fuckin’ stupid humans…” As you finish tying his legs.

  
Once you’ve finished binding his limbs, you stand and examine your handywork. Turns out, skeletons are very easy to tie up. They’ve got the perfect anatomy for it. All you had to do was loop the rope a few times through his radius and ulna, and his tibia and fibula, before finally knotting it at the end. Unless he’s the type of skeleton who can detach his limbs, he isn’t going anywhere.

 

You grab the extra loop of rope you tied to him, and hoist his light body with ease over your shoulder.

 

“W-Wait! Yer really serious about this whole capturin’ thing?!” He shouts as he swings from your shoulder.  
  
“I thought I made myself very clear.”

 

“Tch… first thing I’m gonna do’s guide’ja off’a cliff!”

 

“I don’t think you’d like that very much. Seeing as you’d fall off with me.” You say as you try and shift the rope to get comfortable.

 

“Like I give a fuck.” He growls back, his body swinging slightly against your back. For some reason you’re a little surprised when it starts to poke into you. Guess he really is full skeleton under all those clothes. For some reason when you look at him he seems a little… filled out?

 

“Anyway… how do I open this lock?” You ask, bending over to look at it.

 

“Dunno… figure it out, asshole.” The skeleton on your back growls.

 

“Come’on little Skulls...” You say with a laugh. “I’m on a bit of a time limit here. Unless you got some other humans wandering around under this cave, I need to get out as soon as possible.”

 

“Screw off’n dust somewhere!” He spitts from behind you.

 

“Excuse me… I am a human, and thus my body does not dust.”

 

“Whatever! Turn inta red goop ‘r whatever weird shit it is yer made of!”

 

You sigh as you grab the lock, looking at it. Guess you’re going to have to break it. You really didn’t want to call upon your vampire blood until you were certain you could get out. Every time you use it, you knock a few minutes off the time you have before you need to feed. The lock looks pretty flimsy though...

 

“I’m made of meat not red goop, thanks.” You respond to his earlier statement.

 

“Jus’ go out’n die already!”

 

“Nope…” You say, linking your fingers through the metal lock. “I’m never gonna die.” You pump your blood, feeling strength flow into your arms. In one quick motion you rip the lock from the gate. Sadly, that same quick motion took out several of the gate bars with it.

 

“Woops…” you mutter as you watch the gate begin to wobble, wood cracking without it’s support.

 

“The fuck did’ja jus’ do!” Sans calls from behind.

 

“Uh…” You step away as the entire gate begins to groan. The wood bends backward on itself, and, with a final crack, falls over across the bridge before shattering it. From there, the entire broken mass of gate and bridge slides down the pit. Never to be seen again.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!” Sans shouts from behind you.

 

“N-Nothing…. Nothing…!” You say as you’re left standing in front of a few leftover foundations of splintered wood and a large gaping pit. “Uh…” You stare at the bridgeless pit you need to get across… it’s not that far… Guess you’ll have to jump it. “You… better hold on…” You warn over your shoulder.

 

“Hold on to waaaaaaAAAA” Sans screams as you take a running jump at the pit. Your legs swell with power before you leap through the air to the other side. You land in the snow and slide a little, trying to keep your balance.

 

“What the absolute fuck! What the hell are ya-” He stops speaking when he catches sight of the wreckage before him.

 

“What…? What’s wrong?” You ask in his silence.

 

“THE FUCK DID’JA DO TA BOSS’S GATE! AND THE BRIDGE!”

 

“...I needed to get through.”

 

“So ya fuckin’ took the whole thing out!”

 

“No… not the whole thing… there’s still some of it left.”

 

“Sh-Shit!...” He shivers across your back.

 

“You can build a new one right…?”

 

Sans doesn’t respond.

 

“Little skeledude… hey… are you okay?” You ask when he continues to be quiet.

 

“F-Fine… j-jus’... shuttup...”

 

“It wasn’t important right?”

 

He shivers again as he looks at the broken remains of the gate. He knew humans were supposed to be stronger than monsters, but… How strong is this human? Is this cause you’re an adult?

 

\--

 

The power drains from your legs as you continue walking through the snow. There goes a few minutes off your time. You’ll be fine though. You’ll be able to figure out how to get out of here eventually. The mountain isn’t that big, and besides, you’ve got a monster guide now. He isn’t the guide you’d like, but he’s the guide you have. At least, for now... All you gotta do is get him to work with you.

 

“All right…” You say looking forward at the path. “Let’s see… I think there’s something in the distance… know what that is, little Skulls?”

 

Low snickers come off the skeleton hanging from your back.

 

“Laughing isn’t an answer…” You say in annoyance.

 

“S’yer fuckin’ death.” He says darkly.

 

“I already told you. I’m never gonna die.”

 

“Heh heh heh…” He keeps laughing, and the chuckles start to bounce eerily around the cavern walls once again. “Ya know, asshole… ya got lucky with me cause I ain’t all that interested in capturin’ anybody… but my brother… Papyrus… He’s a human hunting FANATIC… He’s gonna rip yer body apart so fuckin’ fast you won’t even be able ta see yer dust hit the snow.”

 

“I told you I don’t dust.”

 

“Yer blood! Whatever!”

 

“Blood is actually quite easy to see in the snow...”

 

“Shut the fuck up! He’s gonna be comin’ up the road over there’n yer gonna be fuckin’ dead, so enjoy the last of yer stupid fuckin’ existance while ya can ’n stop bein’ so damn annoyin’!”

 

You shield your eyes against the layers of white, trying to see if you can spot anyone ahead. All you make out is a small looking shack in the distance.

 

“By the way… I have a question for you…” You say behind yourself as you walk.

 

“The answer is, I don’t fuckin’ care! Go die!” Sans snarls back.

 

You continue with your question unphased. “So I met this goat lady back at the ruins… She was really nice… kinda obsessive… but she was worried about me when I told her I had to get out of here as fast as possible… Practically tried to kill me actually.”

 

Sans swings his head up when he hears this. “N’ ya didn’t do nothin’ ta her... did’ja?”

 

“Well yeah… I had to get her to stop trying to burn me into human bacon!”

 

“So ya fuckin’ killed her!”

 

“What! NO!... Why would I kill her! I challenged her to an arm wrestling contest, of course…”

 

“... Ya what…?”

 

“And then I won… but she was really surprised… Guess she didn’t think a scrawny human could outdo a giant goat lady… anyway… I was asking about how I should get out of here, and she told me all you guys were gonna kill me, but then she said I should look for this guy...”

 

Sans stiffens against your back for a moment.

 

“Something about a funny guy who likes to make puns… Said he was probably the only decent monster left in this place, and he’s really nice… You don’t know someone like that do you?”

 

The monster on your back keeps quiet.

 

“Little Skulls…?” You prod, wondering if his silence means anything.

 

“N-No… I don’t…” He says darkly... “There ain’t any monsters like that left down here…”

 

Sans’ soul twists as he says it… Wishing it weren’t true. When had he… When had he gotten this bad? Shit… and the lady still thought he was… Still believed in him… Fuck… Just… What has he been doing? He’s made that promise with her so many times… and broken it just as many…

 

Besides… how was he supposed to know what was gonna happen with this human anyway? They’ve been a lot more talkative than the other one, but they haven’t said anything about dying. Maybe… maybe they can’t reset… Or maybe they just haven’t died yet… What if this is the last timeline… What if everything from here on out is… permanent…

 

“Well… she seems to think there is one, so… Maybe he just pretends he’s a big meanie like the rest of you.”

 

Sans stays quiet again, watching your footprints as they trail away through the snow.

 

You shield your eyes as they catch another break in the white up ahead. It seems to be a person, and they seem to be walking briskly up the path. Well… looks like the little skeleton was right… There is someone ahead. Maybe you’ll finally meet a challenge down here… You adjust the monster on your back and continue walking, more interested than afraid of the apparent danger in front.

 

As you approach the figure, your eyes begin to pick out more details. It’s supposed to be this guys brother right…? Actually… you’re kinda curious what another skeleton would be like. How do skeletons even have brothers? Were they both alive as brothers and then died at the same time? No… the skeleton on your back isn’t a dead person. At least, he didn’t seem like a dead person... Actually, he really only kinda looked like a skeleton, but a lot of his proportions were off. What is he supposed to be then? Some kinda magical skeletal being?

 

Suddenly the figure veers off the path and walks up to a nearby shack on the wayside. They bend over to look inside before you hear a loud voice call out-

 

“SANS…? SANS!... SANS YOU WORTHLESS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A BROTHER! WHY AREN’T YOU AT YOUR POST!?!” They practically scream, loud voice echoing off the cave walls.

 

The small skeleton stiffens against your back, and you hear him gulp as you march through the snow.

 

“A-Actually… uh... l-lady…?” He asks quietly. “I-I’ve got ‘n idea…”

 

“Hm… oh, you’re talking to me? I thought my name was asshole, not lady?”

 

“Eh… heh… uh… S’jus’ thinkin’... m-maybe… maybe ya shouldn’t die quite yet…”

 

“Wait…?” You say, turning your head in surprise. “Did you develop stockholm syndrome, already?”

 

“Ya wanna fuckin’ die or do ya want my help! Yes or no!” He growls a little louder.

 

“Yes please!”  


“Great! FINE! See that conveniently shaped snowbank…”

 

“You mean the one that kinda looks like me?”

 

“No the child sized one! YES the one that’s shaped like you! Go hide behind it!”

 

“There’s a cliff behind it… isn’t there?”

 

“I”M NOT LEADING YOU OFF A CLIFF THIS TIME! JUS’ HURRY ‘N HIDE BEHIND THE DAMN SNOWBANK!”

 

_Time till your next feed- 17 days remain..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... how are we gonna have fun dialog between Sans and his brother if he's strapped to your back and hiding as well...?  
> Oh... I know...
> 
> Big thanks to Alphagodith who helped me edit this...


	3. plus five to intimidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Papyrus, and figure out Sans' weakness.

You move behind the snowbank, listening to the other skeleton continue to yell.

 

“SANS! SANS! GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANT YOU DISGRACE! IF YOU MAKE ME HAVE TO LOOK FOR YOU AGAIN, SO HELP ME, I WILL MAKE YOU SPEND THE ENTIRE NIGHT IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER!”

 

You raise an eyebrow as you listen to his shouts.

 

“He’s… got a torture chamber…?” You whisper behind yourself.

 

“Shuttup! Ya wanna get found out!” The skeleton on your back whispers back.

 

“... Well now I kinda do… I haven’t seen someone with a torture chamber in years!” You respond.

 

“SANS! GET OVER HERE **NOW**!!!!!” The other monster screams. His words echoing around the cavern.

 

The skeleton on your back gulps again.

 

“SIGH…” The monster actually says the word. “WORTHLESS, IDIOT! WHY IS IT THAT I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, HAVE TO BE BURDENED WITH SUCH A USELESS WASTE OF A BROTHER.”

 

You hear a loud crash, followed by splintering wood.

 

“AND OF COURSE! HE’S MANAGED TO POLLUTE HIS ENTIRE WORKSPACE WITH THIS FILTH HE CALLS FOOD!”

 

More smashing sounds.

 

“WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM! NYAAAH! WILL HE BE SORRY!”

 

You keep quiet behind the snowbank, listening to the crashing sounds coming from the other side.

 

“So… your bro sounds… nice.” You whisper softly.

 

“Why is it so hard for ya ta keep quiet!” Sans whispers back.

 

“You do realize I’m not actually scared.”

 

“Well, ya should be!”

 

“Besides, I have you as a hostage… so…”

 

“That ain’t gonna stop him from killing us both.”

 

“He’ll kill you too? Why?”

 

The monster on your back goes silent.

 

“I thought you said he’s your brother!”

 

He still chooses not to respond.

 

You sigh a little… perplexed. You were trying to get through here without killing anyone. Partially because you’ve been on a no killing spree for fifty six years, and didn’t want to lose your high score. And partially because, even if these monsters wanted to kill you, you couldn’t help but love the simple fact that monsters exist. It was like you were in a video game, and you love videogames! Monsters were like a rare species. You can’t go around killing rare exotic species! That… and you also get the feeling these guys aren’t as bad as they seemed to think they all are.

 

You hear tromping in the snow, moving in your direction. Great… he’s coming this way. You look around the snowbank, trying to see if you can time it right, and skirt around as the other monster passes by.

 

“F-Fuck!” The monster on your back whispers.

 

“What?”

 

“E’s gonna see yer footprints!”

 

You’re eyes immediately fall to the snow below.

 

“Uh…”

 

“SANS! IS THAT YOU!?” The loud voice of the monster booms.

 

“Shit!” Sans whispers again, a little louder this time.

 

“SANS!?”

 

“Quick… ya gotta hurry’n let me down!” The monster on your back starts to beg.

 

“What!? I’m not gonna let you go! You said you’d kill me!”

 

“I said let me down, not untie me. Just let me off yer back’n stand me up against the snow!”

 

“Why!”

 

“He’s gonna find us n’ kill us both! I’ll tell him ta leave!”

 

“SANS!” The voice calls, and it’s really close this time.

 

Actually… you’re kinda interested in how this is gonna play out. You shrug the rope off your shoulders and hold the small skeleton up, propping him against the snowbank. He wobbles for a moment, trying to balance with his legs tied, before he stands still. Actually, you can hardly tell he’s tied up at all. Unless you're looking for the rope on the bottom of his legs, he looks like he's leaning lazily against the snow, with his hands behind his back.

 

You duck away further behind the snowbank, just in time to hear the other monster’s footsteps moving heavily through the snow.

 

“S-Sup, Boss?” Sans voice carries behind the snowbank.

 

“DO NOT ‘SUP BOSS’ ME, TRASH! I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?”

 

“S’jus k-keepin’ watch behind this snowbank. Ya never know if any h-humans could be hiding behind them, right?”

 

“TCH… I SUPPOSE THAT IS AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER… BUT I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR YOU!”

 

“Uh… y-yeah, Boss?”

 

“HOW MANY DAYS HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU’VE RECALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES!!?”

 

“Uh-”

 

“EIGHT DAYS SANS! IT HAS BEEN EIGHT DAYS SINCE YOU’VE LAST DONE THEM! ALL YOU DO IS HANG AROUND YOUR STATION! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING!?!”

 

“I-I told’ja… M’jus… ch-checkin’ behind this snowbank… i-it’s really interestin’... Ya sure ya don’t wanna look.”

 

You feel your heart rate increase for a moment… Is this guy… ratting you out!? He is so dead!

 

“NO!!” The other skeleton shouts. “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE!? I WANT TO BE READY!! I WILL BE THE ONE! I MUST BE THE ONE! I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN! THEN, I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, WILL FINALLY GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE!

 

RESPECT…

RECOGNITION…

 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!” You hear a slam. “REPLACE THAT WORTHLESS GUARDSWOMAN AS THE SOUL CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!!!

 

PEOPLE WILL NOT ONLY FEAR ME! BUT THEY WILL RESPECT ME! FOR I WILL BE THE ONE TO LIBERATE THE UNDERGROUND. AND EVERY MORNING, MY BOOTS WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES AS THE ENTIRE TOWN GROVELS AT MY FEET!! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND SANS!?! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR IDIOTIC NONSENSE!!!”

 

“Hmm… M-Maybe this snowbank will help ya.”

 

“SILENCE YOU LAZYBONES!! YOU ARE NOT HELPING AT ALL!! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT AND BOONDOGGLE! YOU BECOME MORE WORTHLESS AND DISGUSTING EVERYDAY!!!

 

“H-Hey… t-take it easy there Boss. I gotta ton’a work done today… A **skele** ton”

 

“SANS!!!”

 

“Heh… c-come on Boss… w-wait… I-I was jus’- Gahhhh!!!!”

 

Suddenly, the top half of the snowbank explodes, snow flinging in every direction. It piles on top of you, covering you, as you huddle on the opposite side. You look up slowly, and spot an enormous glowing bone lodged where the top of the bank use to be. Good thing you ended up covered in snow, or you’d have been spotted by now.

 

You’re eyes slowly wander over to the two now visible talking skeletons. You finally realize how huge this guy’s brother is. He might actually be as tall as you! But the thing you notice most about him is the prominent jagged scar that cuts down his left socket. It almost seems to pierce through you as he looms over his brother.

 

“TCH…” He pulls away from the smaller skeleton, waving his hand. The bone attack fizzles out, leaving an enormous gash in the snowbank. “WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME, HAVE TO HAVE A BROTHER AS WORTHLESS AS YOU…” He sneers.

 

“S-Sorry Boss…” Sans says, hanging his head.

 

The larger skeleton turns his back, starting to walk away. “I WILL ATTEND TO MY PUZZLES… AS FOR YOU SANS…” He looks behind himself, scowling at the other skeleton. “YOU’D BETTER NOT WASTE ANY MORE OF MY TIME…”

 

He marches down the way he came, and out of sight. You sigh once he’s out of hearing range, and push your way out of the snow that covers you.

 

“Well… that was… interesting.” You say, climbing out behind the bound skeleton. He still has his head hung, and it’s covered in sweat. “Uh... you okay…?” You ask, noticing he isn’t responding. “Hey…?”

 

“Ya oughta get goin’...” He whispers darkly. “He might come back... ‘n if he does…”

 

“Hm…?” You smile… walking around, leaning into his view. “I thought you wanted me dead?”

 

He keeps quiet, looking at the ground.

 

“Anway… what was with that earlier?” You say, fishing the excess rope tied to him out of the snow.

 

“S’nothin ya’d understand…”

 

“No… I mean…” You crouch down, looking right in his face. “What’s the deal with you and telling puns?”

 

Realization dawns on him as he remembers your earlier conversation about the lady behind the door. “N-Nothin!” He says, quickly looking away. “I… I was jus’... lightenin’ the mood… I-I don’t normally say shit like that!”

 

“Hm… you sure?” You ask, narrowing your eyes.

 

“I-I don’t, alright!”

 

“Hmmmmm…?”

 

You jerk the rope upwards, quickly swinging him onto your back.

 

“Better keep going then…” You say, continuing on through the snow.

 

You pass the little wooden shack you saw up ahead. Several holes are smashed through the boards… bone sized holes… And, next to the shack, several yellow packets are sprinkled in the snow, already disappearing as the falling flakes cover them.

 

You shift the rope across your shoulders as you walk, the skeleton on your back saying nothing. The footprints left by his brother are already disappearing under the falling snow. You follow them as you’re lead through more trees. It looks like there’s a small fork in the road up ahead. Trying to decide which way you’ll go, you squint your eyes in either direction.

 

“Hey… Little Skulls?”

 

He only grunts in response.

 

“Which way should I go?”

 

He stays quiet.

 

“Skulls…?”

 

“I don’t give a fuck which way ya go!”

 

“Okay… which way will take me out of here fastest?”

 

“Tch… What I did back there, was a one time deal. I told’ja… I ain’t gonna help ya.” He growls back.

 

“Come on... that’s not how my tiny prisoner should speak!”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry! Looks like ya didn’t hear me the first time. Go. Fuckin’. Die.” He spits.

 

You get to the fork and stop. The only marking in either direction, a wooden box. You bend over, and lift the lid, looking inside. Black. Deep black. You can’t see the bottom of the box at all. It’s almost like it goes on forever. Why is it so dark inside?

 

“What is this thing?” You say aloud, turning so he can see the box.

 

“The hell does it look like! S’a fuckin’ storage box.” The skeleton on your back answers.

 

“Why is it so dark inside.”

 

“Cause it’s linked with the void! Why else!”

 

“What…?”

 

Sans sighs. “Ya can put shit in it, and it’ll be there in any other box ya use connected to the same system.”

 

“WHAT!”

 

“Stop screamin’! Ya wanna alert everyone around’ja there’s an idiot human runnin’ around!”

 

“This is amazing! I need to try it!”

 

You grab a nearby stick and shove it into the box. It quickly disappears beyond the black.

 

“Okay… so… do I just reach inside?” You ask… a little hesitant about putting your hand through something so dark.

 

“The hell else would’ja do!?”

 

You slowly reach your hand inside the box. When it starts to move through the black, it almost seems to disappear. You notice a temperature change as you wiggle around inside. It’s slightly… warmer than the surrounding winter landscape…?

 

You feel your hand bump into the stick, but it also bumps into something else.

 

“Wait… What’s this…?” You ask… pulling out a pink leather glove.

 

“The hell’s wrong now!” The skeleton on your back demands.

 

“Can anyone put stuff in here?”

 

“Anyone can put stuff in there… but’cha can only take out yer own shit.”

 

“I didn’t put this in there though…”

 

Wind whips through the falling snow, and you hunch against it, clutching the glove.

 

“L-Like I fuckin’ know! Don’t ask me!” He growls.

 

“Huh…” You look at the glove for a moment longer. Something seems… strange about it.

 

You stuff it into your bag, then look once again at the fork in the road.

 

“Okay… really, Skulls?… Which way?” You ask again.

 

“I told’ja, I ain’t gonna guide’ja! Go fuckin’ die!” He snaps back.

 

You feel yourself starting to get annoyed. You need to get out of here as fast as possible. Sure… you’ve spent some time messing around with neat things like the storage box. But that doesn’t mean you’ve got the time to waste walking the wrong way for hours. You aren’t carrying the monster on your back for nothing. He needs to be a little more… cooperative.

 

You swing the skeleton off your back, and set his feet down in front of a tree.

 

“Wh-What…!” He says, wobbling as he attempts to keeps his balance with his legs tied. 

 

“I think we need to reevaluate our relationship here…” You say, smiling. “YOU are the one who’s tied up. Thus YOU are the one who gets to do what I say.”

 

A defiant grin slides across his face as he glares. “Oh… yeah…? N’wha’cha gonna do if I don’t give a fuck… asshole…!”

 

You grab him by the collar and push him against the tree. “I could probably think of a few things.”

 

His grin only widens as he glares up at you. “Heh heh heh… Oh… Yer finally gettin’ how it is down ‘ere, eh?... Welcome to the underground, asshole… where it’s kill, or be killed!”

 

“Oh, I’m not here to kill.”

 

“Same difference… ya wanna break some’a my bones ta get what’cha want? Be my guest! I ain’t afraid of a little bit’a pain.”

 

He keeps smirking at you, and it looks twisted as he pairs it with the glare in his sockets. You know that look. This guy isn’t afraid of you at all. He isn’t afraid of death. Nothing you do to him will make him back down. Or at least… nothing involving pain. You can’t use your hypnosis on him either. You’ve already tried that with other monsters, but they’ve all been immune. What else can you do? There’s gotta be something? Some weakness that this guy has? But what…?

 

He continues to sneer up at you, knowing he’s won. Yer jus’ a dumb shit human who can’t even threaten people right. He ain’t afraid’a you.

 

“You know… I’ve been looking at you for a while now, Little Skulls… and I keep having the same thought.”

 

“Oh yeah… n’whats that?”

 

“What’s with your stomach?”

 

“... A’wha?...” He says, suddenly confused.

 

“It looks like there’s something there, but… you’re a skeleton right?” You reach down and grab the hem of his shirt, starting to lift it up.

 

“S-Stop!” He practically squeaks.

 

Your eyes zip from his stomach, back to his face. Well… you weren’t expecting that reaction. He’s dropped his glare, and instead, worry is the only thing written across his sockets. Worry and... is his face turning red?

 

Bingo!...

 

“Hmm…” You feel your smile growing. “What…? Worried I won’t like what I see?”

 

You pull his shirt up further, exposing his spinal bone.

 

“Stop!” He nearly whimpers, the red deepening across his face.

 

You really weren’t expecting that. Can skeletons actually blush!? No way! Wait… wasn’t this guy trying to grab your butt earlier. Why is he acting so shy now? Where did all that confidence go?

 

“Heeh… What’s a matter? I thought we’d continue where you left off earlier.” You say, reaching with your other hand and hooking a finger under his waistband. The red doubles across his face, sweat breaks out all along his forehead, and his eyelights start to dilate as he squirms against the ropes. He seems to be trying his best to stay calm, but you can smell the fear radiating off him in waves.

 

You smirk once you’ve realized you’ve won. “Actually Little Skulls… you’re pretty cute…” You lean in close to his bright red face, watching as it intensifies. “I think I’ve changed my mind about your offer earlier!”

 

“Wh-What offer!? I didn’t offer nothin’!” He says, shutting his sockets as you let go of his shirt and bring your hand to his face. He flinches away as you gently run your hand down his cheek.

 

“I think I was hoping for something more.” You inch his shorts down enough to spot his hip bones peaking out. “Now… Lets see if you actually have anything down here?”

 

“I-I was jus’ pretendin’! Alright!” He blurts out. “I jus’ wanted ta s-scare ya! I wasn’t actually gonna do nothin’! S-STOP!”

 

You pause and look at his face. The entire thing’s glowing, and he’s forced his sockets shut as he hunches into the fur of his jacket, trying to get away from you.

 

“Pfffffttt! Hahahahahahah!” You practically explode with laughter. You can't help it, he looks so scared. “As if some hot girl’s gonna fall down here and instantly wanna bang you!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! IN YOUR DREAMS!!!”

 

He opens his sockets slowly… his eyelights focusing on your face as you laugh.

 

“You’ve been reading WAY too many weird erotic fantasies if you think that’s ever gonna happen! Hahahaha!”

 

“Shut… SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” He snarls! The red on his face darkening into rage.

 

“Oh my gosh! Hahaha! That was so cute too! You’re face! You’re face was so red!” Tears start forming in your eyes as you laugh harder and harder.

 

“GO BURN IN HELL YA ASSHOLE!”

 

“What… hehehe! What are you so embarrassed about anyway? You’re just bones!!”

 

“S’None’a yer fuckin’ damn business!”

 

“I can’t believe you grabbed my butt when you can’t even handle someone pulling up your shirt!!!”

 

“I already said I didn’t mean it!!! I wasn’t actually interested in yer gross ass human body, so shut the fuck up!!!”

 

“Hahahahah… have you even… hahahah… have you even ever done it before!!!”

 

“D-Done what!?!”

 

“Heheheh… you know…” And you put your pointer finger through your other hand.

 

He narrows his sockets, as he watches you make the motion. “The fuck is that supposed ta be!?!”

 

You stop laughing as you stare at him. “Actually… how do you do that?”

 

“Do what! The fuck are ya even talkin’ about!?!”

 

“You know…" You do the motion again. "Have sex?”

 

“The hell do ya mean! How do I have sex?” He growls, his face starting to heat again.

 

“Without a dick… you don’t have one… right?”

 

“What…?”

 

“A… dick?... like a penis?”

 

He keeps looking at you, brow bones scrunched in confusion.

 

“The fuck are ya even talkin’ about. Ya can’t have a dick… A dick’s just a word fer someone who’s bein’ an asshole?”

 

“Uh…” Your eyes widen a little, now equally confused. “Well… that’s… the slang way of using it?... but...” You look away for a moment, trying to figure him out. This guy probably doesn't have one, but, why doesn’t he seem to know what a dick is? There’s gotta be other monsters down here with one? Right? “C-Come on… you gotta know what I’m talking about?”

 

“I don’t understand half the weird shit that comes outta yer mouth!”

 

Does he really not know!?!

 

“Uh… ya'know what? Lets just...” And you pull his shirt back down, patting it when your done, and watching it somehow fill back out. "Uh..." You say, before swinging him onto your back again, and straightening up. “Lets just keep walking, okay?” Curious as you are, you don’t really feel like having the sex talk with another species that wants to kill you right now.

 

You look down the forked paths again. Trying to figure out which way you wanna go. They both look about the same. You sigh, before starting down the left path.

 

The skeleton on your back suddenly sighs… “W-Wrong way... asshole!”

 

You stop… surprised he said something.

 

“There’s a cliff the other way… isn’t there?”

 

“I still ain’t leadin’ ya off a cliff yet!!!”

 

_Time till your next feed- 17 days remain..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... what is that glove for...
> 
> And guess who we're gonna meet around the next corner... again...
> 
> Big thanks to Alphagodith who helped me edit this...


	4. Before the Boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to Sans before it's interrupted by a mini Boss

Your feet trudge heavily through the snow as you walk down the forest path. The skeleton on your back still hasn’t said anything since his latest outburst of directions. You start to get a little suspicious he may have led you in the wrong direction, but you’re gonna keep walking for a while till you bring that up again. The path ahead winds, and there’s no way to know if he was telling the truth or not.

 

You keep walking, and your mind turns to the strange pink leather glove you found in that box. For some reason you can’t stop thinking about it. There’s just something about it that’s bothering you… If what Sans said was true… there shouldn’t have been anything in that box. Why was it there…? And why does it feel… familiar…?

 

You stop and open your bag, taking out the glove to look it over again. It looks beaten and worn, like someone used it a lot. There’s a cut across the palm, and you trace your finger over it lightly. There’s just something… something about the glove...

 

“Whats the holdup.” Sans growls from behind you.

 

“Huh…? oh… nothing…” You say, pushing the glove back into your bag and resuming your march through the snow.

 

“Heh… don’t tell me yer gettin’ scared now, asshole. Come’on, s’jus’ a dark cavern filled with skeletons and horrible monsters. How bad could it be…?”

 

“Horrible?... I wouldn’t call you horrible… Maybe a little rude, but... horrible…?”

 

“Yer a fuckin’ idiot if ya aint scared yet.”

 

“Aw, come’on Skulls, who’d be scared of a cute little skeleton like you?”

 

The monster on your back goes quiet.

 

“Skulls?”

 

“I already told’ja the right way… Ya don’t gotta keep bein’ an ass...” He says quietly.

 

“What? That was a compliment!”

 

“Really, callin’ me cute‘s a compliment?”

 

“Yeah… what’s wrong with that?”

 

“I ain’t fuckin’ cute, n' you know it!”

 

“Hm…” You say, pretending to think. “I’m gonna have to disagree with you… That face you made earlier when you were all worried was pretty darn cute.”

 

“WHAT THE FUCK KINDA SICK FREAK ARE YA!?” He screams in outrage.

 

“Hahahahah! I never would have thought a skeleton could blush. That was so cute!”

 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT!!!”

 

You continue to laugh, small skeleton cursing on your back as you walk. If you weren’t on a strict timer to get out of here, you’re pretty sure you’d love to take your time hanging out. The monsters were mean, but also kinda fun. You’ve never been around people so strange, and you wanted to soak it in as long as you could. 

 

“BUZZ!” 

“BUZZ!”

 

You’re jolted from your thoughts when you hear your cellphone buzzing. You know for a fact your phone from the surface doesn’t work. So it must be the lady behind the door calling on the phone she gave you. You fish it out of your bag and look at the screen.

 

Nothing…

 

But the buzzing continues… from somewhere else…

 

You swing your head around when you realize where. “Skulls! Is that your phone?”

 

Sans audibly gulps.

 

“Here let me just…” You swing him around in front of you, holding him up with the rope in one hand while trying to figure out which of his many pockets contains his phone.

 

“J-Jus’ leave it!”

 

“What if it’s important!”

 

“The hell would you care!”

 

“I’m only holding you captive as a guide, not trying to ruin your social life!”

 

“I-It ain’t important!”

 

“It’s in here right…?” You slide your hand into one of his coat pockets, and immediately regret it. Something cold and wet squishes around your hand, along with what feels like a bunch of plastic wrappers. “W-What the heck! Gross! Why is there-” You immediately bring your hand back out and stare at it. It’s covered in something yellow, and sticky. “Whatever this yellow stuff is in there!”

 

“Fuck!” Sans growls. “You throwin’ me round musta broke one’a my packets!”

 

“Packets of what!”

 

“Mustard! The hell does it look like!”

 

“Why are your pockets full of mustard packets!?!”

 

“In case I get hungry! Why else!”

 

“So you just go around snacking on mustard packets whenever you get hungry?!!”

 

“Heh…” He smirks “If ya  **mustard** know! That stuff’s premium, thank you!”

 

You blink your eyes for a moment when you realize what he said. “...Did you just-”

 

“SANS YOU USELESS IDIOT! GET OFF YOUR LAZY BONES RIGHT NOW AND  **ANSWER! YOUR! PHONE!!!** ”

 

The yell comes from the bend ahead. It bounces off the cavern walls, and you swear the trees start to sway ominously in the wind when it happens.

 

“Sh-Shit!” Sans swears, sweat beginning to develop on his brow.

 

“Your bro sounds pissed…” You say, trying to look around the bend up ahead.

 

“Ya think?! Fuck! He always calls me n’ tells me I gotta meet him about this time!”

 

“Like… everyday…?”

 

“Huh…? no… uh...  j-jus’... Sh-Shit!” 

 

“I can get your phone out and call him back for you?” You offer, your eyes dropping to his pockets again.

 

“Are you a fuckin’ idiot!”

 

“Which pocket’s it in? I’ll get it out, and you can tell him you’re busy.”

 

“Heh… Ya mean I’m  **tied** up at the moment!” He blurts out before he can stop himself.

 

Your eyes slowly travel from his pockets back up to his sockets.

 

“Skulls… are you sure you aren’t-”

 

“Shuttup! I already said it ain’t me!!!” He growls.

 

“Oh really? Then who else would it-”

 

“BUZZ!”

“BUZZ!”

  
  
His phone starts vibrating again, and the sweat doubles across his brow.

 

“D-Don’t…” He says slowly, eyelights glaring at your hand. “Don’t answer it… p-please.”

 

You take your hand away from his pockets, and rebalance the rope your holding him with. You sigh, letting the phone continue to vibrate uninterrupted… he did say please this time...

 

“Alright… alright… but you’ve got one seriously messed up relationship going on with your bro…” 

 

He stays silent, and you sigh again, before swinging him back across your back. 

 

“Besides… I think I’m gonna end up running into your brother one way or another… You’re gonna have to deal with him eventu-”

 

You stop talking, eyes going wide.

 

Eventually… no… he’s gonna have to deal with him right now. Because right now, a very large battle torn skeleton just turned the corner of the bend in front of you.

 

And he looks very… very... angry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter before the storm... well... the storm won't happen yet. But the next chapter should be a lot of fun.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to Godeth who helped me edit this!


	5. New Challenger Accepted!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a discussion with the Boss

“STUPID! WORTHLESS!! NINCOMPOOP!!! WHY DO I EVEN PAY FOR HIS PHONE IF HE ISN’T GOING TO ANSWER IT?!” The large skeleton complains, holding his phone to his skull as he stomps toward you. “HE’S PROBABLY SLEEPING AGAIN! THAT UTTER WASTE OF SPACE! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM... NGYEHHHHH! THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! HE CAN’T IGNORE MY CALLS WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT! WHAT IF I WAS CALLING ABOUT A HUMAN!?!”

 

The phone behind you stops ringing, and the skeleton in front of you yells in frustration, before pocketing his phone. He looks up, and finally seems to see you for the first time.

 

“YOU!!!” He points angrily.

 

“Uh… yes…?” You answer, and you feel the skeleton on your back stiffen.

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE!?!”

 

“Um… walking?”   
  
“YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE! ARTICLE NUMBER 55 SECTION 3 EXPLICITLY STATES THERE WILL BE NO MONSTERS BESIDES OFFICIAL GUARDS PAST STATION 4!”

 

Wait! He thinks you’re a monster! Maybe you can get out of this peacefully...

 

“Oh… woops… I must have… forgot?” You say, trying to angle your body so that no part of the skeleton on your back shows.

 

The skeleton in front folds his arms. “STATE YOUR NAME!” He demands.

 

“It’s… uh… Y/N…”

 

“WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE NAME IS THAT!?” 

 

You almost answer back when he cuts you off. 

 

“NEVERMIND! I DON’T CARE!” Papyrus sighs. “FIRST MY IDIOTIC BROTHER DOESN’T ANSWER HIS PHONE… AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS WORTHLESS NITWIT… COME ALONG… UH…?” And he narrows his sockets at you. “ACTUALLY… WHAT TYPE OF MONSTER ARE YOU? I DON’T BELIEVE I’VE EVER SEEN YOUR CLASSIFICATION BEFORE.”

 

He wants to know what kind of monster you are? What are you supposed to say!? You know some of the names of the monsters you’ve met, but you can’t use those. You don’t look like any of them! 

 

The large skeleton before you starts to tap his fingers impatiently.

 

“Tell him you’re a-” Sans starts to whisper.

 

“V-Vampire!” You shout, not knowing what else to say.

 

“VAMPIRE!... HMM…” Papyrus strokes his chin as he thinks. “WELL, NO WONDER I’VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU BEFORE… YOUR TYPE LOOKS EXCEPTIONALLY WEAK AND PATHETIC… IT IS MORE THAN LIKELY THERE ARE HARDLY ANY OF YOU LEFT… COME ALONG THEN VAMPIRE! I WILL BE TAKING YOU BACK TO THE STATION WHERE YOU WILL WAIT UNTIL MY SHIFT IS FINISHED!”

 

“Oh… uh... okay?”

 

“Don’t jus’ fuckin’ go with him!” Sans whispers again.

 

“AND THEN OF COURSE…” Papyrus’s smile turns upwards into a vicious smirk. “YOUR TRANSGRESSION WILL BE PUNISHED… YOU WILL BE SPENDING A HALF DAY IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER!”

 

You feel another shiver run along Sans’ back at the mention of a torture chamber.

 

“NOW COME HERE!” Papyrus demands.

 

You stay rooted to the spot, unsure what to do. You still have his brother strapped to your back. You can follow Papyrus all you want but, eventually he’s gonna find out! You can’t hide Sans forever. Maybe you could throw the little skeleton off into a snowpoff along the way? No! no! no!... Who knows how long he’d be stuck like that in the snow. He may want to kill you, but that doesn’t mean you want to kill him back. Can skeletons even freeze to death? 

 

Actually… what would happen if Papyrus did find him on your back? For some reason Sans seems to think his bro’s gonna kill him if he finds out you captured him. Would he actually do that?! To his own brother???

 

“VAMPIRE!... DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF!”

 

“Fuck… we’re so fucked!” Sans whispers, and he starts to shiver harder.

 

For some reason… your heart drops when you feel him trembling… Nobody should be this scared of their own brother… Making up your mind, you decide to take action. Standing your ground, you fold your arms defensively.

 

“Actually… no… I’m not gonna come with you.”

 

The skeleton in front of you twitches, his sockets forming into a hollow glare.

 

“...WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

 

“You heard me! I said I’m not gonna come with you.” You repeat slowly.

 

The skeleton on your back shivers harder. “What are you doing!” He whispers, a little louder.

 

“THEN I WILL DRAG YOUR FILTHY DUST BACK WITH ME!” Papyrus sneers, lifting his hand slowly in the air.

 

“Wait!” You call, holding out your arms and pausing the skeleton in his motion. “Wait…”

 

You sling the skeleton off your back, twisting the rope so he’s in front of you. “What! S-Stop! The h-hell’r ya… s-stop!?” Sans’ sockets go wide when he realizes he’s no longer hidden. You thrust his completely bound body on the snow in front of you.

 

“S-SANS!?! SANS! WHAT ARE... WHAT IS… WHAT’S GOING ON!?!” Papyrus yells.

 

“Ahem…” You attempt to clear your voice before striking a pose. “I present to you, your brother!” You yell. “He has been captured, by none other than the most powerful human in existence! If you want to get him back, surrender to me!”

 

There’s a beat of silence as both skeletons take in what you said.

 

“What!?!”   
  


“WHAT!?!”

 

“You heard me! I have your brother!”

 

“I already told’ja that ain’t gonna-”

 

“SILENCE, SANS!” Papyrus yells, refocusing his sockets on you instead. “YOU! IS THIS… IS THIS TRUE!?!”

 

“Uh… yes…?”   
  


“YOU ARE… A HUMAN!?!”

 

“Yes.”

 

“NOT A… WHATEVER YOU SAID YOU WERE BEFORE!”

 

“Uh….” You shrug, deciding not to answer that one….

 

And for the first time, the skeleton in front of you is no longer glaring… In fact… he almost seems to be smiling, in his own horrifying way.

 

“OH MY GOD!!! I FINALLY DID IT! UNDYNE WILL… I’M GONNA… I’LL BE SO…”

 

He seems to get ahold of himself for a moment, reigning his face back into a glare. “AHEM… HUMAN! IT IS YOUR OWN FOLLY YOU HAVE MET ME SO SOON IN YOUR TRAVELS. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE END, AS YOU WILL NOT PASS THIS AREA! I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, WILL STOP YOU! I WILL THEN CAPTURE YOU, YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL, AND, IF YOU ARE STILL ALIVE AT THAT POINT…” His smile twists even higher. “WELL I’M SURE THEY WILL TAKE THEIR TIME SLOWLY TORTURING YOU TO A PROPER HORRIBLE DEATH!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!”

 

His laugh echoes loudly off the cavern walls.

 

You wait for the sound to die out. His blank sockets eye you snidely as he waits for your response. 

 

“Hmmm…” You pretend to think. “And what happens if you don’t capture me?” You ask.   
  


“WELL OF COURSE THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!” He folds his arms.

 

“But I’ve already gotten past a bunch of you guys.”

 

“NEYH! HUMAN! THOSE MONSTERS ARE ALL COMPLETE MORONIC IDIOTS WHEN IT COMES TO CAPTURING HUMANS! I, OF COURSE… AM A PROFESSIONAL!”

 

“Oh really… you’re a professional…?” You say, smirking. “Heh... But I already managed to get past you once.”

 

“WHAT!?!” He yells, his jaw dropping in outrage.

 

“Yep… your bro was right… I was hiding behind that snowbank all along.”

 

His jaw somehow manages to drop further.

 

“TH-THAT DOESN’T MATTER!!!...” Papyrus stomps. “H-HE STILL FAILED TO CAPTURE YOU, AND INSTEAD, LIKE THE ENORMOUS DISGRACE THAT HE IS, GOT CAPTURED HIMSELF!!!”

 

You lean down, picking up the loose rope you’ve been using to drag Sans around. “I don’t know… I don’t think you can blame him…” You pull the rope so that he’s lifted off the snow. “I am the most powerful human in existence.”

 

“TCH… POWERFUL OR NOT, HUMAN! I HAVE BEEN TRAINING ALL MY LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT! YOUR DOWNFALL WAS DECIDED THE MOMENT YOU MET ME!”

 

You start patting the bound monster’s skull, feeling him instantly flinch away from your hand as you caress his head.

 

“Don’t touch me.” The small skeleton hisses.

 

“I don’t know… I don’t think you should be saying that... Don’t you want to get your cute baby brother back!?!”

 

“I AM THE YOUNGER BROTHER!” Papyrus shouts, stomping his foot to make a point.

 

“What?... oh… uh… huh… really?” 

 

Well that caught you off guard… Then again… if the guy’s short… that means he can be older all he wants… It’s not like it was only his height that made you think he was younger anyway… It was something more like… his relationship… He just doesn’t feel like the older brother at all...

 

“TCH…” The large skeleton folds his arms, sweating a little as he glares you down. “K-KILL HIM ALL YOU WANT, HUMAN! A MONSTER THAT WOULD FAIL IN THE TASK OF CAPTURING A HUMAN IS OF NO USE TO ME, NOR THE REST OF THE UNDERGROUND! D-DON’T YOU KNOW… DOWN HERE IT’S KILL OR BE KILLED!”

 

Sans’ body seems to hunch a little as he says it, and you feel yourself getting annoyed. You stroke the skeletons head a little harder as you smile. “Oh… I never said I was gonna kill him.”

 

“I SEE…” Papyrus says slowly. “WELL, IF YOU MUST TORTURE HIM TO THE BRINK OF MENTAL BREAKDOWN, I WILL WARN YOU… HE IS QUITE RESISTANT TO MOST FORMS OF-”

 

“Who said I was gonna torture him?”

 

Papyrus pauses… “O-OBVIOUSLY, YOU AREN’T GOING TO LET HIM GO! THAT WOULD BE COMPLETELY ASININE!”

 

“Nope… not gonna let him go either.”

 

“THEN WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!”

 

You let your hand run down your prisoner’s face, and sweat breaks out across the little skeleton’s skull.

 

“If you don’t try and rescue your cute tiny brother from me… I think… I’ll have no choice but to have my way with him.”

 

“WHAAAAAAT!!!”

 

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

The outrage is back. Papyrus looks as though he can’t believe the words he just heard coming from your mouth.

 

“H-HUMAN YOU CAN’T! THAT’S… HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE! Y-Y-YOU CAN’T JUST… THERE ARE CLEAR LINES THAT SHOULD NEVER BE CROSSED WHEN DEALING WITH ONE’S ENEMIES AND… P-PROMISCUOUS BEHAVIOUR IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE CORRECT WAY TO HANDLE…! THIS IS SANS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO... WITH SANS!?!”

 

“Oh really…” You smile back. “Well I think he’s pretty cute…” You say, patting his cheek. “So you better hurry up and rescue him.”

 

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SPECIES?!”

 

“I don’t hear you rescuing him!” You say, reaching towards the small skeleton’s shirt.

 

“W-Wait! What the hell!” Sans yells.

 

You keep going, starting to pull up his shirt again.

 

“N-NOT IN PUBLIC, HUMAN! S-STOP!” The larger skeleton roars.

 

"Oh no! My hand’s going lower!” You call loudly.

 

There’s a tug on your chest. An orange heart bursts from your body, brightening the cavern around you. A moment later a large glowing bone slams into the ground at your feet, splashing snow in every direction.

 

Your eyes travel to the tall skeleton in front of you. He’s breathing heavily, his gloved hand held high. His previously empty sockets are filled with light now. Two pinpricks of red glow from his skull, glaring you down.

 

“ENOUGH!...” He snarls. “YOU WILL STOP THIS AT ONCE!”

 

You promptly remove your hand from the small skeleton, a wide smirk plastered on your face.

 

“Changed your mind, huh?”

 

“SILENCE! YOU MAY CLAIM TO BE THE MOST POWERFUL HUMAN IN EXISTENCE. BUT I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, AM ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL MONSTERS TO WALK THE UNDERGROUND! I SEE THAT YOU NEED TO LEARN YOUR PLACE DOWN HERE. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A SERIES OF PUZZLES THAT WILL PUT YOUR ENTIRE BEING TO THE TEST! BEFORE THE DAY IS OVER, I WILL HAVE STRIPPED THE SOUL FROM YOUR FILTHY HUMAN BODY, AND RE-ACQUIRED MY IDIOT OF A BROTHER!”

 

Papyrus flicks his hand, the bone at your feet fizzling out, and the glowing soul at your chest moving back into your body.

 

“Wait… we aren’t gonna do this now?”

 

“NYEH HEH HEH! EAGER FOR YOUR OWN DEMISE I SEE! BUT ALAS, YOU HAVEN’T EARNED THE RIGHT TO FIGHT ME YET. NAVIGATE YOURSELF THROUGH THIS TRETOURIOUS FOREST SUCCESSFULLY, AND THEN PERHAPS I WILL ALLOW YOU THE PLEASURE OF DYING BY MY OWN HANDS.”

 

“And what about your brother?”

 

“I-I WILL BE RETRIEVING HIM ONCE I’VE DEFEATED YOU OF COURSE! I EXPECT YOU TO RESTRAIN YOUR LUSTFULL TENDENCIES UNTIL THEN!” Papyrus folds his arms. His sockets empty once again. “IN ANY CASE… CONTINUE ONLY IF YOU DARE!!!”

 

He turns and begins to walk briskly away.

 

“AND SANS!” He calls behind himself. “I STILL EXPECT YOU TO DO THE DISHES TONIGHT!”

 

His figure disappears around the bend. You watch it for a moment more, before realizing.

 

“Gah! Why didn’t I follow him!”

 

You grab the small skeleton, swinging him onto your back. Trying to catch up with Papyrus, you attempt to run through the heavy snow. After a moment, you slow, realizing it isn’t possible. The tall skeleton must be a lot lighter than you. You sink deeper into the snow than he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if Sans will end up having to do those dishes...
> 
> I think I see a Doggo ahead!
> 
> Thanks to Godith who helped me edit this! She really does make everything tons better.


	6. Random Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Encounter

You tap your foot against the ground, trying to empty out some of the slush that’s collected inside your shoe. The snow hasn’t let up, and you’re covered in it now. It’s frozen into your hoodie, turning the cloth hard as the water melts and freezes over and over again.

You tug against the cold material around your neck, trying to dislodge some of the icy buildup that’s starting to collect across your shoulders. Once again you have to praise your vampirism, had you been a regular human, you’re pretty sure the cold would be getting dangerous instead of just a bit uncomfortable to you by now.

“Little Skulls… how much longer till I’m outta this cave?” You call behind yourself. He hasn’t said anything since you met up with his brother. Guiltily… you feel like it may have been because of something you did… or, something he thinks you were trying to do.

“Skulls?... Hey…? Are you even alive back there?”

He still doesn’t answer.

“Skulls? Little Skulls?”

Actually… he hasn’t moved at all since you last slung him across your back. He’s been completely still this whole time. Your getting worried. He’s… fine right? Right!?

You sling him off your back, bringing him around to face you.

“Gaaaaah!” You scream when you see his face. His sockets are wide open, but the little red lights you’ve come to expect inside are missing. “What’s wrong Skulls!? Please don’t be dead!” You start shaking him, hoping he’ll wake up if he’s sleeping. “Skulls! Skulls!!!” His skull only flops around uselessly, his sockets void of any and all expression.

“Skulls!” You shout louder, your heartrate picking up in panic. “Please! Please don’t be dead! H-Hey! Wake up!”

A low mumble comes from his face, and you stop shaking him as you listen.

“Mme-dye.” He mumbles.

“What?” You ask, leaning in.

“emmie die…”

“What!”

“LET ME FUCKIN’ DIE!” He snarls in your face, before dramatically going limp again.

“Thank stars… I thought you were actually dead.” You say, already feeling relieved.

“This is the fuckin’ worst timeline in all existence… why the hell… why the hell!?” He mumbles, his blank sockets staring off in the distance behind you.

“It’s the worst what?”

Sans continues to stare blankly ahead, ignoring your question. “Can’tcha fuckin’ kill me or something!? The hell do ya gotta keep draggin’ me around for!?”

“I already told you, no killing!”

“Fuck you! Jus’ do it already!”

“No!” You shout back, before sliding a grin across your face. “Besides, I’m supposed to have my way with you, not kill you.”

There’s those eyelights! They’re burning extra bright just for you!

 

“Fuck off asshole! That shit might work with my bro, but I can tell ya at least got some standards.”

“Oh…? You grin harder. “Don’t tell me you’re getting hopeful now?”

“That’s not what I meant at all!”

“Well... you’re actually pretty cute, so…” And you pat his head. “Maybe I can make an exception.”

Sans blanches. “The fuck’s wrong with ya!?”

“Though, there’s still the problem of what you have down there… Guess it won’t work out after all.”

Sans sockets narrow. “The fuck’r ya even talkin’ about!?”

“Nothing… nothing…” You snicker, swinging him onto your back again. “Anyway… You didn’t answer my question earlier?”

Sans sighs, drooping against your back. “Tch… ya ain’t even close ta gettin’ outta this cave, so stop fuckin’ askin’... Hell… ya haven’t even made it ta Snowdin yet.”

“Snowdin?” You ask, starting to walk.

“S’a town ahead...”

“A town?! You have an entire town down here?!”

“Where the hell do ya think I live!? Inna middle of the fuckin’ woods inna snow!”

“I guess... I just wasn’t expecting a whole town.”

You weren’t expecting walking sentient skeletons either.

The skeleton on your back snickers. “Heh… Yer in over yer head if ya think that’s all we got down here.”

“Oh? What else is down here?”

“Waterfall’s filled with waterfalls. Yer gonna get wet as hell if ya don’t get some boots’r some shit. Fuckin’ rain’s a lot there too, but the cave looks real nice… S’filled with these glowly rocks’n shit… Monster’s like it cause… ya’know… looks like stars. Ya can go over there’n pretend ya ain’t stuck inna fucked up cave filled with fucked up people… N’ next is Hotland, built over the lava reservoir. Not too many people live there cause it’s too fuckin’ hot. But we gotta lab up there cause it can run off’a the heat. N’ then there’s the city. S’pretty nice over there. They got direct access ta the core, so most’a stuffs really-”

He stops talking halfway. “Sh-shit.” You hear him mutter under his breath.

“Skulls...?”

“F-Fuck off! I told’ja I ain’t guidin’ ya, so figure it out on yer own!”

“But you were being so helpful!”

“I don’t give a shit! I ain’t helpin’ ya!”

“Well… thank you for helping me a little.”

“That wasn’t help!!! I was jus’... t-talkin’!”

The trees ahead grow thicker as you walk along the windy, snow-covered path. You may not be able to see any tracks or markings for the trail, but it’s pretty appearrent which way is the correct way at this point. Either walk along the open path, or struggle pushing through the trees.

You take another bend, trudging through the snow, when you come upon yet another small wooden shack. It reminds you of the one you saw earlier, but it’s in pristine condition. You also notice a large array of decorative spikes nailed into the walls at perfectly measured angles.

Someone really loves their spikes…

You walk up to the shack as you pass, looking it over. It’s more like a booth than a building. There's a counter in the front, with a roof overhead to protect anyone who sits inside from the ever falling snow. Taped to the counter is a note:

“Observe the well-crafted sentry station  
Who could have built this, the filthy human ponders…  
I bet it was that very famous captain of the royal guard!  
(Note: not that worthless other captain that lives in Waterfall)”

You’ve just finished reading the note when you hear footsteps in the snow behind you.

“Sh-Shit…” The skeleton on your back mutters.

“What’s wrong…?”

“Fuckin asshole’s spotted ya!”

You turn around, and catch sight of a large… bird… or maybe it’s… a lizard. You can’t really tell. Following your footsteps. Feathers surround its head, and it seems to have two spindly, clawed feet, but its middle is entirely covered in scales. When you say large, you mean large for a bird. It stands several feet shorter than you, glaring as it comes to a stop in the snow.

“I’ll take care of this…” Sans whispers. “Jus shuttup’n let me do the talkin’.”

“Um… no… no thank you.” You whisper back.

“I thought ya wanted my help!” He whispers again.

“I’ll pass… I’m pretty sure I can handle this myself!”

“No ya can’t! Ya have no fuckin’ clue what yer dealin’ with.”

“I thought you didn’t wanna help me anyway!”

“Ya got me tied ta yer back! If that fucker starts a confrontation, we’re both gonna end up dusted!”

“Weren’t you just telling me you wanted to die?”

“I refuse ta die to a fuckin’ Snowdrake!”

“Aw…” You say, tilting your head to look behind yourself. “But it’s okay if it’s me?”

“No… I jus’... I… shut the fuck up already! The moment’s past, alright!”

“Human!” The Snowdake calls in a long, thin voice. “Th-There is snow-where for you to run! Prepare for your death!”

You blink your eyes, staring at the strange creature. The monster blinks back.

“Did you just-”

“Ice will be capturing you now.” It says proudly.

The monster spreads it’s thin wings and bows it’s head, readying a pose for attack. Your body acts instinctively as well, moving down into a crouch. Any moment now, your soul will be pulled from your chest. You’re already forming a plan. This monster doesn’t look very fast. Maybe you can outrun it.

“Shut the fuck up, snow-hole! Yer puns suck!” Sans shouts from behind you.

The strange bird reptile pauses, it’s eyes widening as it looks at you.

“Fuck off ya piece’a shit!” Sans snarls again.

“Sans…?” The monster asks, cocking its head. Slowly it brings its wings back to its sides.

You straighten up as well. Maybe you won’t have to fight. Maybe… Sans actually can help you. You maneuver your back so Sans can see the monster in front. He glares it down, a low growl passing from his teeth.

“I already got it under control fuck face. Now get the fuck outta here!”

The other monster cocks its head further. It seems confused.

“Ice see a human who isn’t captured.”

“Holy fuck’n hell yer puns suck! For the love of Dreemur shut up!”

“You shut up, trash!” The bird-lizard yells back. “My puns are numbers above yours. Just like my HP.”

“I only need one ta dust yer ass!” Sans snarls. “Fuck off shit-drake, or I’ll be levelin’ up today!”

The monster in front of you flinches, looking as though it’s not sure if it should stand its ground or walk away.

“Wait! Wait! Wait!” You say, interrupting the glaring contest that’s going on between the two monsters. “You tell puns?” You ask, looking straight at the bird-lizard monster.

You were suspecting the monster you were looking for was the one you had strapped to your back, but now you’re not so sure. There could always be multiple monsters who told puns. Maybe this little bird lizard was the one the lady in the ruins was talking about.

The monster relaxes, it’s reptilian eyes focusing on your face.

“I snow a lot of puns, actually.” It says proudly.

“Ya only use ice and snow, dumbass!” Sans continues to growl next to you.

“It’s better than using skeleton and bone all the time!”

“Heh heh heh…” Sans chuckles, leaning lazily into his bindings. “S’totally humerus. Admit it, yer jus’ jealous I tell great rib ticklers.”

“Ngah! Ice clearly tell better jokes!”

“Mine are skeletons better!”

The monster turns its head back to you. “Human, Ice am clearly the better pun maker. Don’t you agree?”

“Um…” You say slowly. Admittedly… they’re both bad… but… You’re not sure when this whole thing went from a confrontation to a pun war. “I think you both need to… to chill actually.” You say, already feeling your mouth go dry from the awful pun you actually allowed to come from it.

“Chill…” The monster says, its eyes widening. “Chill…!”

“Holy fuck that was awful!” Sans snickers. “N’here I though’cha were nothin’ but a damn wet blanket!”

“I’m trying to avoid getting us killed.” You whisper.

“Well, ya fuckin’ suck at it.” Sans whispers back.

“Chill… yes… that is actually… a very…. I… I’ll need to tell them immediately!” The monster nearly vibrates as it paces in place. “I… I suppose… there is no need for capturing, if Sans has it under control… that means C-Captain Papyrus must also... B-Besides… that pun was… v-very...” The monster lifts its head, looking straight at you.

“Goodbye human!” It yells, tossing its head before turning and running off into the dense woods.

“Wait! Come back! How do I get out of this cave?!”

“Snow foreward human!” It shouts behind itself. “Follow the path!”

You sigh… You have been following the path, and all you can see ahead are more trees and more snow. If only you could have talked with that monster more… Actually… the snow drake seemed much nicer than the one on your back. Maybe it really was the monster the lady behind the door was talking about.

“Hey… do you know if that guy’s friends with the lady-”

“It ain’t him!” Sans cuts you off.

“Okay…” You say slowly. “And how do you know it isn’t him…”

“His puns fuckin’ suck.”

“And that matters… because…?”

“The door lady’s got way better taste than that shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Godith who helped me edit this!


	7. Battle Tactics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You encounter Doggo and learn the importance of blue stop signs

You’ve barely walked another couple minutes when you see yet another clearing in the distance. The snow is starting to let up, and you squint your eyes trying to look past the sparse flakes and bright white layers.

 

… There’s some sort of… yeah… there’s another shack ahead.

 

“Hey… uh… h-human…” Sans’ voice asks quietly from behind.

 

“Hmm…?” You answer.

 

“I… should probably tell ya somethin’ important.” He says softly.

 

“Oh…? Your helping me again?”

 

“Jus’ shuttup’n listen, allright!...” Sans snaps. “Ya’ve been in fights before, right? With uh… froggits’n shit?”

 

“Yeah a couple.”

 

“So... ya’ve seen what magic attacks’r supposed ta look like?”

 

“A little. I was dodging all the attacks, so I didn’t get to look at them as closely as I’d like.”

 

The skeleton on your back sighs. “There’s n’ attack we can do… s’called a blue attack. They’re usually pretty hard ta dodge so… If… if ya see a blue attack, don’t move and it won’t hurt’cha.”

 

You smile to yourself. Well… well… He can be helpful if he wants.

 

“There’s n’ easy way ta keep it in mind…” Sans continues. “Jus’… Imagine a stop sign… When ya see a stop sign, ya stop… right?... Stop signs r’ red, so… jus’ imagine a blue stop sign instead.”

 

“Really…?” You ask, almost amazed.

 

“Yeah! Really!”

 

“You’re telling me to think of blue stop signs while I’m in the middle of a fight.”

 

“I’m tryin’ ta fuckin’ help ya!”

 

“How about, when you see blue attacks, freeze like ice. Ice is blue, Skulls, and it’s frozen in place.”

 

“Ya know… Ya keep askin’ me ta help ya, but every time I do ya jus’ go ‘round criticisin’ my help… Yer about ta get into a fuckin’ fight with some asshole who’s only gonna use blue attacks, n’ guess what? Yer gonna be fuckin’ glad I told’ja about fuckin’ blue stop signs!!!”

 

“Wait… I’m about to get into a fight?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“When…?”

 

“Yer gettin’ real close to ‘is shack… so anytime-”

 

Sans is interrupted by a large glowing knife impaling itself halfway through the tree you were just walking by.

 

“Did something move?!” An animalistic voice shouts.

 

You immediately crouch in place, your eyes darting over your surroundings searching for the source of the attack. You wait, but nothing more happens.

 

“Remember what I said before about moving!” Sans whispers. “Don’t move!”

 

“Tch… musta been my imagination…” The same voice from before growls.

 

That’s when you spot it. A dog head, poking out of the shack ahead, and his eyes are looking right at you.

 

You brace yourself, waiting for something to happen. 

 

But nothing happens…

 

Instead, the dog’s eyes pass over you and across the trees in the clearing, as though searching for something.

 

“If something was moving… for example… a human…” He calls gruffly. “I’ll make sure it never moves again.”

 

The dog keeps searching the clearing, his eyes passing over you several times more, but it’s like he can’t see you at all. After a while, he seems satisfied, and leans back into the shack, out of sight. Soon after, the glowing knife fizzles out of existence, leaving a fresh gash through the tree’s trunk.

 

“I-Is he still lookin’ for ya?” Sans whispers as you wait, crouched.

 

“I don’t think so.” You whisper back.

 

Sans goes quiet for a moment, and you can tell he’s thinking about something.

 

“Can I move now?” You ask, getting impatient.

 

“Wait!… jus’... I-I’m tryin’ ta think.” 

 

“Why can’t he see me?”

 

“Doggo’s half blind.” Sans answers. “He can’t practically see nothin’ unless it’s movin’.”

 

“So... the guy who’s gonna use blue attacks that require me to stop moving, also can’t see me if I stop moving!?!”

 

“He ain’t the only one who can use’um! N’keep yer voice down, ya want Doggo ta fuckin’ hear ya?”

 

“His name’s really Doggo?”

 

“Yes, now shuttup’n let me think.”

 

“Think about what!?!”

 

Suddenly another glowing knife attack plunges into the snow at your feet.

 

“I can hear you!!!” The voice screams from the shack. “Show yerself!”

 

You stay frozen in the snow, watching the dog head pop out of the shack and glare at the trees next to you. You don’t want to fight. It’s easier if you don’t fight, and it takes a lot less time. Precious time, that you don’t have. You’re sure you can sneak around this guy if you just put in some effort.

 

“I-It’s jus’ me, asshole!” Sans suddenly yells, and you flinch, glaring over your shoulder.

 

“Sans!?!” The dog says in confusion. 

 

A moment later the monster hops out of the shack and stands before you on short hind legs. He really does look just like a dog. His fur is entirely white, except for the very top of his head where a large black mark covers his face from his eyes upwards. It almost looks like some sort of mask. He’s wearing some strangely printed pants, and across his torso, a black tank top.

 

The dog monster’s eyes look in your direction, but just as Sans said, he appears to be unable to see you. Instead, his eyes shift back and forth over the forest surrounding you.

 

“If ye’re here ta fuck with me again... I swear I’ll kill ya, Sans! There’s supposed to be a human down here!!!”

 

“W-Who said anythin’ about a human?” 

 

“Yer fuckin’ bro jus’ came by n’ gave me some dumbass lecture about it! Fuckin’ threatened ta dust me himself if I didn’t stop ‘em.”

 

“Well… it’s just me asshole! So stop freakin’ out.”

 

The dog looks in your general direction, before narrowing his eyes.

 

“Move around n’ lemme see.” He growls.

 

“What!” Sans responds.

 

“Ya don’t walk places unless ya half ta. Yer fuckin’ hidin’ something, Sans… Move yer ass n’ lemme see…”

 

“Tch… I-I don’t gotta listen’ ta ya!”

 

The dog monster raises his arm, and you feel Sans shudder against his bonds as something is pulled away from his body. 

 

“I told’ja ta move around!” Doggo shouts.

 

“Fuck you!” Sans snarls back.

 

Light collects in the air above the dog. A glowing blue blade forms above his paw, and he brings his arm down, sending it swiftly towards you.

 

You act on instinct, diving under the blade as is passes. You feel a wind wash over your head, moving like a ball of sharp energy. The trees behind you shake, and you turn to watch as two of them groan and fall over, cleanly cut at the stump.

 

You’ve seen a few attacks from monsters, but nothing on the level of this damage. Good thing you dodged that attack!   
  


“Why the fuck did you doge that attack!?!” Sans snarls.

 

“Oops…”

 

“What did I jus’ say about blue stop signs!?”

 

“It was an instinct! I’ve been dodging all the attacks so far… so…”

 

“Well ya sure gotta instinct fer stupidity!”

 

“I’m sorry that I have a natural response to dodge giant, glowing, magical blue blades that can cut through trees!”

 

“Ya’ve been moanin’ n’ complanin’ this whole fuckin’ time about me helpin’ ya, but whenever I do, ya don’t even listen!”

 

“Maybe if you’d actually help when I ask, instead of just randomly yelling about blue stop signs!”

 

“Jus’ admit it! Ya don’t actually give a fuck about gettin’ outta here! Yer jus’ messin’ around down here fer fun!”

 

“I am trying to get out of here!”

 

“Why the hell do humans always gotta play with everything?! This isn’t a fuckin’ game!”

 

“I said I didn’t-”

 

“QUIET!” Another voice snarls, stopping your argument.

 

You both turn your heads and spot the dog monster, his eyes narrowed in your direction.

 

“I-I knew ya were up ta somethin’, Sans!” Doggo snarls. “You always have been a sneaky little shit! N’ now yer hidin’ a human! Ya changed sides didn’t ya!?!” He says, accusingly.

 

“Like hell I did!” Sans snarls back.

 

“Actually… I… uh… captured him...” You say, then you take a deep breath standing proud. “So if you don’t want anything bad to happen to him, you’d better let me pass!”

 

Doggo blinks at you, then deftly brings up his arm. 

 

“O-Or... not…” You say, feeling your soul push from your chest as another blue blade goes flying through the air.

 

You dodge again.

 

“BLUE FUCKIN’ STOP SIGNS!” Sans screams as the blade goes over both of your heads.

 

“I do not want to be hit by that!” You yell, going into a run.

 

“It’ll go right through ya if ya ain’t movin’! Quit bein’ a priss!” Sans growls back.

 

“That thing is cutting down trees!” You say, dodging again as another attack moves past.

 

“How ‘bout ya trust someone who actually has magic ta be right about how it works!?!”

 

“You can make blue attacks?!”

 

“Yes! Now stop fuckin’ movin’ n’ trust me!”

 

You sense another attack coming towards you from behind. It’s now or never. Just do what Sans says. If the attack cuts through you, it’ll kill him as well. While Sans does seem to flip back and forth on the idea of dying, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t want to do that right now.

 

You pivot on your foot, stopping yourself in place right as the attack passes. You close your eyes, ready for it to pass through you. 

 

It doesn’t. Instead, it slams into you, and you nearly topple over.

 

“I trusted you!” You shout, panicking a little as you stare at the large blue blade now embedded on it’s side through your stomach.

 

“W-What… What happened!?!” Sans growls, still strapped to your back and unable to see the embedded blade.

 

“It’s stuck in my stomach!”

 

Sans pauses. “...Huh…?” He says, sounding mildly surprised.

 

“Blue stop signs my butt, Skulls! You’re just trying to kill me!” You accuse.

 

“I-It ain’t supposed ta do that!”

 

Another attack goes flying in your direction, low and almost at level with the snow. You hurry to your feet and jump, stumbling when you land, trying to keep your footing on the icy ground. The glowing knife in your stomach shifts, feeling weird as it sends warm vibrations heavily up your body.

 

“I was being all nice to you and everything, and you go around trying to get me killed?” You say, moving back into a run.

 

“How the hell have ya been ‘bein’ nice’!?!” Sans snarls. “Ya were jus’ fuckin’ feelin’ me up n threatenin’ ta rape me in front’a my bro!”

 

“I just wanted him to rescue you, and all I did was pull up your shirt a little! Compared to that, you actually physically violated my butt!”

 

“I barely touched yer ass! N’ I already toldj’a I was jus’ tryin’ ta scare ya! Like I give a shit about feeling up some stupid human!”

 

You turn your head, looking behind yourself. You passed the dog monster long ago, but now he’s chasing you with his arm in the air, throwing glowing blue knives as fast as he can summon them.

 

“What do we do about him?” You yell.

 

“I don’t fuckin’ know! Yer jus’ supposed ta stay still n’ sneak off while he ain’t watchin’!”

 

“That isn’t gonna work now, is it!?!”

 

“Watch yer left!” Sans shouts, and you dodge to the right. The attack nicks your shoulder, dragging it forward and pushing you off balance.

 

“YER OTHER LEFT! FUCK! THAT ALMOST HIT ME!”

 

Right... he’s facing the opposite direction. You huff, finding it difficult to run through the snow. You need to think of something fast. You don’t know what the glowing knife is doing to your body, but you don’t like having it sitting there. The sooner you can get out of this fight, the better. That means you have two options. Continue to run from the fight, like you’ve been doing up until now, or turn around and actually fight.

 

Another attack speeds by, cutting through the trees in front of you.

 

“Shit…” Sans flinches, the wind whipping by. 

 

You hadn’t noticed it till now, but… is Sans scared? His entire body feels rigid, and every time an attack comes close he tenses up further. Didn’t he say he wasn’t afraid of death? Another attack whizzes by, on your left this time, and he flinches again. You look back, noticing the distance between you and Doggo hasn’t changed. This monster is fast. You decide enough is enough and change direction, heading for one of the freshly cut trees.

 

“What are you doing?! Keep running!” Sans hisses.

 

“I got this!”

 

You stop under a falling tree, turning to face the approaching dog monster.

 

“The tree’s falling! Watch out!” Sans warns.

 

But you reach out and grab the tree by its trunk, pumping blood to your arms. Your biceps expand, surging with power as they begin to heat. Your grip tightens on the leaning trunk, hoisting it up and over your shoulders.

 

“You wanna see something move!?!” You shout at your pursuer. “Watch this!”

 

You pump everything you have into your arms, feeling your skin tighten against the expanding muscles beneath. You swing the heavy tree trunk wildly at the approaching dog, hurling it in in a straight ark across the snow.

 

The monster chasing you widens his eyes, before diving into snow. The tree misses by a heavy margin, but you weren’t trying to hit him. You plant your feet firmly in the snow and stand still, watching the dog monster slowly get back up.

 

“WHAT THE FUC-”   
  


“Shhhhh!” You hush the skeleton on your back. “Be quiet!”

 

Doggo stands, looking around the cavern still clearly shaken. His eyes fall on you, but they don’t seem to see anything and he moves past, looking in another direction.

 

“I tried!” He shouts, resigned, thrusting his paws in the air. “Screw this!”

 

As soon as he says it, your soul jumps back into your chest, and the attack in your stomach disappears. Doggo turns and marches back the way he came, going for his sentry station. “I ain’t dealn’ with humans who can throw trees! That’s Undyne levels ’a shit! I’m out!”

 

Once he’s gone from view, you sigh in relief.

 

“I-Is ‘e gone yet?” Sans whispers.

 

“Y-Yeah…” You answer, finally letting your eyes drop to your stomach. You’re glad the attack didn’t do anything, but also a little worried. Sans said it was supposed to pass through you, but it didn’t. It just sat there, in the way. Is that what they’re supposed to do?

 

Turning in a slow circle, you walk back onto the main path, following in the direction of cleared trees.

 

“Tell me if you see anyone behind us...” You say, hoping Sans can cover your back as you walk.

 

He doesn’t answer.

 

“Skulls…?”

 

He grunts, and you decide that’s good enough. He did just see you throw an entire tree. Even if there are monsters down here, you doubt any of them can throw something that big. It probably shocked him. You just wish he didn’t get quiet so often. You’ve never been good with silence. It makes you nervous.

 

“What kinda human ‘r ya…?” You hear mumbled from behind.

 

“Uh… j-just a normal human…” You say, feeling yourself get nervous.

 

“Tch.. sure…” Sans mutters. “That’s what they all say…”

 

_Time till your next feed- 17 days remain..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Godith who helped me edit this.


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